More laughter – a new story

TDUDJ

Yes, dear reader, if you follow my movements on twitter, Google+ or Facebook you may have run into the strange acronym TDUDJ. It’s not something that one of my cats produced while taking a walk over the keyboard.

cats

 

 

My cats. Yes, I’m proud of them so I show them off today. If you don’t know them: Obsi on the left, and Grim on the right.

 

 

 

So, back to TDUDJ. It’s a humorous story. I found that I’m not half bad at writing funny stories so I ventured into this, a new one. It’s also a paranormal / ghost story. I’ve not gone into that realm before so it’s a challenge, but so far someone who does the test-reading for it is rather positive about it.

TDUDJ stands for the opposite that you often here at a wedding, which is “Til Death Us Do Part“. The story’s name will (probably) be “Til Death Us Do Join“. Who will be joined to whom after death? I’m not going to tell you yet. You’ll have to wait for TDUDJ to come out…

Book review – An Irishman’s Difficulties with the Dutch Language

Title: An Irishman’s Difficulties with the Dutch Language
Author: N.A Cuey-na-Gael
Genre: Language, humour
Rating

This book had me in tears and stitches more than once. I acquired it through the Gutenberg Project and was curious about it as it was written in the beginning of the 20th century. Let me first say that this book won’t make any sense if you don’t have a decent grasp of the English and the Dutch language (preferable also older Dutch as the book is quite old).

The story of Mr. Brown and his doubtful successes in speaking Dutch, without going through proper training and refusing guidance for it, is absolutely wonderful. The story shows enthusiasm about foreign languages and how thin basically the support of only an old dictionary is. His final letter to the gentleman of the Bevolkings bureau, regarding the umbrella, is a brilliant piece of writing, but also his conversation with the man working on the tram on his trip out to “Simplex” is something to be enjoyed without food or drink near.

It’s a short book, freely available, so if you feel adequate in English and Dutch, you are in for a laughing treat with this story.

ENGLISH IS A STUPID LANGUAGE

Lets face it

English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play?
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day,
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes off!

English was invented by people, not computers,

And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

 (Original found here.)

The devil and his diary

Dear reader,

Long time ago I wrote a very silly thing in 30 chapters. It was my work for Nanowrimo, and I had decided to write 30 days of the Devil’s Diary. What started out as a what do I care, as long as it’s words project, turned into a ‘story’ with lots of details about all kinds of things, mixed with my own warped fantasy of how things could be in hell.

A while ago I dug out the original manuscript and looked it over. Now I have spent time on brushing it up, formatting it into something more comprehensible, and all that comes with editing. A good thing is that reading it again after so much time made me laugh and grin in places. It won’t be very long before the book is ready to go out to Smashwords, Amazon and all the usual places, but – there is a distinct warning that comes with this book.

It is not for the faint of heart who are very religious and can’t take jokes, puns and other stabs to religions, gods and other creatures belonging to that.

The story is not limited to taking on any specific religious group, every one of them gets its share, but please heed this warning. I am not accepting any liability for people who feel offended after reading it, that is why I am mentioning this. I don’t mean to offend or hurt, I mean to make people laugh.

By the time the book approaches publication, I’ll post one or two chapters of it, so you can sample it and make an educated decision whether or not you would like it. For now, cover-making is the next thing on the agenda.